The Last Laugh…

Posted: August 24, 2011 in Speeches, Toastmasters
Tags: ,

(This was my CC Project 5 – Your Body Speaks speech )


This speech is an unadulterated imaginary sneak peek into the speaker’s prospective future problem and any resemblance to any person dead or alive is purely coincidental.

The year was 2025, day Friday the 13th. Darkness was the flavor of the night. I was scared to death. What I saw now in my hands was something that I never wanted to see again in my life. It sent chills down my spines, made my blood run cold, and engulfed me with nightmares… I suffered from the same trauma exactly about 20 years ago. Now it has come back to haunt me again! Oh no… I was a victim then. Now it has come to take my little daughter. No.. No.. I have to stop this. I have to act. I have to react. My world is collapsing.

(Good evening Fellow Toastmasters & dear guests)

All this started when my darling wife decided to attend her dear friend’s wedding. Damn that friend. I was expecting my wife to explain about our family situation and her inability to attend the wedding. But even in 2025, wives never listen to their husbands. Had she been here, I would not have to do this (eerie pause).. Studying Maths! On Monday, my daughter who is studying in her 5th class has her Maths exam and I was left all alone to teach her Maths!

MATHS, MATHS, MATHS – The thought about Maths brought back all those dark days of my past when I suffered and Maths laughed at me, scoffed at me and mocked at me!

I was in my 5th class and I remember very well that I was on the verge of getting the first rank in my class for the first time in my life. Only Maths paper had to be distributed. Even before the paper was distributed, I was imagining myself being crowned the king of the class. My dear friend Pooja who sits beside me, knowing my day dreaming gimmicks, reminded me not to count the chickens before they are hatched. Guess what.. They never hatched.. I ended up getting a big egg! The king became a pauper in no time. My parents scolded me, my dad never bought me the video game he promised, my dog never ate seeing my sorrow and more than anything Pooja changed her place to my enemy Mithun’s place. Maths laughed.. I suffered.

From 6th to 12th I scrapped through every Maths paper. Passing a Maths paper was like climbing Mt. Everest. But more than passing every hurdle, the loss I suffered due to Maths was immense – girls who smiled at me, sympathized with me after they knew my Maths mark, teachers who hold me in high regards were always ready to loosen that grip when it came to Maths,   and my friends always had a good laugh over my mathematics skills. In short – Maths subtracted my happiness, multiplied my miseries, added to my sorrows and finally divided my girl friends. Maths scoffed.. I suffered.

By the time I managed to cross the 12th peak of my life, I was left with indelible mental scars in my mind and I decided no more Maths again in my life. But my father had other plans as he put me in an engineering college. Again Maths in my life! Oh!!!

With mixed feelings, I went to college. Nothing changed. Now maths was no more laughing, it started mocking at me. This college Maths was merciless and I kept accumulating arrears after arrears in Maths until I met my savior. Diya..! Yes..she was my savior and she has been till she left for her friend’s marriage yesterday. She was my classmate then and one good thing which ever happened due to Maths was Diya. Maths brought her close to me. Maths created that pity in her heart for me. She helped me clear each and every arrear paper. Though I did not get 90s, I did manage to get those lucky 36s and in the process managed to win her heart. If she was with me, I managed to do the impossible.

But today she left me all alone to fight this battle. I have one night to prepare and then two days to teach Maths. Saturday morning we began! My daughter and I prepared, prepared and prepared. The weekend flew. Never in my life had I learnt so much Maths in so little time and that too not for me. It felt as though I surpassed my own expectations.

The D day Monday came – I took leave from my office as I could not handle the tension this day brought. I accompanied my daughter to her school and waited there praying for her and especially for myself. Hours rolled by.. my daughter came out finally after finishing her exams. I dared not ask her how she did. She was smiling and I left it there to not press further.

After an anxious wait of one week, my daughter’s results came and my daughter got not 36 but 96. For one time in my life, I laughted at Maths, silently celebrating my daughter’s success.. no no.. my success with a roof top dinner in a five star hotel. Bring it on!

(This speech was given in the month of October 2010 in Chennai Wordsmiths Toastmasters Club.)

  1. Als says:

    Uh oh.. Nothing about the college part was true in your case 😛
    and Maths was my favorite subject.. you should have chosen something else like say.. science or history- they were frightening! 😦
    Since when did celebrating success turn to pleasing ourselves with things that we liked rather than fighting for extra moments with loved ones (kids do that, na!)?

  2. krishnan says:

    Lol.. I am not a big fan of maths Alphi.. 🙂
    I guess growing up has a say in the question you asked..

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