Posts Tagged ‘fun’

My Independence Day

Posted: September 5, 2011 in Speeches, Toastmasters
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(This was my CC project 2 – Organize Your Speech speech )

Slavery was never eradicated; it just got a new name – “Employee”. This is the best way to sum up my first month’s experience in software industry. I pulled myself from another hard day’s work and pushed myself into the cab as my mind started juxtaposing what I did in college and what I am made to do now in office. Let me compare and contrast my life in office and college. punctual..everyone is watching you ..College.. kick punctuality.. be late if everyone has to watch you especially the girls.., (Office)loads of documents made to read.. (College)studying itself was sin, (O)confusing software jargons forced to hear.. (C)I hear what I like to hear, (O)made to attend meaningless meetings… (C)attending classes itself was an achievement, (O)never ending knowledge sharing sessions made to sleep through..(C)no no sharing.. only sleeping.  To top it all, I was given a place just beside my manager. Welcome to hell on earth!

(Toastmaster of the Day, Fellow and future toastmasters and distinguished guests)

Did anyone realize that I did not mention about leaving the office? That never happens and even if it happens, it happens only when I am almost unconscious. Months rolled by in office.. slogging slogging slogging.. I knew I cannot continue like this. As my manager’s baritone voice often screeches “For every problem there is a solution”, I believed mine too had a solution. I started observing my illustrious colleagues and to my surprise, there was actually only one person in the whole team who was slogging – guess who – it was me. I started comprehending the method to the madness called ‘Working in a Software Industry’. At the end of it, it all boiled down to following certain beliefs with discipline and dedication.. beliefs that can set me on the path towards salvation from slogging.

Belief 1 – Google is God..All is Well

Has anyone ever wondered how it is possible for an engineer from any background to find his footing in software industry so easily and quickly??? The obvious response will be the tedious training he/she undergoes when they are inducted. But the thumb rule of software induction is someone trained in something actually never gets to work on it. The trainings are meant to train you and your mind to stay awake for the long nights in the rosy future. Then how does this transformation from an engineer to a geek occur? – Ask any software techie and the retort would be a single word – GOOGLE.  “Google knows everything, sees everything and has prepared for everything“. If software was ever a religion, then undoubtedly Google is God. In software industry, every problem has a solution and that solution comes from the God google. Every time a software engineer encounters an insurmountable problem, the only thing he needs to do is recite “Google is God.. All is well” and start googling.

Belief 2 – Sense of Humor is Programmed

How can sense of humor be programmed? It better be… because this trait would introduce a software engineer to the who’s who of his company. The flip side of this trait is that it demands your humor quotient to be fine tuned to laugh only when your manager cracks jokes. But the trickiest part is – whatever joke your manager tells might not even kindle a hint of interest in you..forget laughter and you may even think, Charlie Chaplin, had he been alive, would have murdered your manager for doing what he does in the name of humor but still the point is you have to laugh.. a mere smile is not enough. Top management calls this socializing. With experience if you can make yourself ready for such managerial torture in the name of jokes, then you are already on the path to greatness.

Belief 3 – Advertise and Attract

Why is advertizing yourself important? All managers have an awesome memory when it comes to dumping critical work on a software engineer (add an adjective ‘poor’ though it implicitly means poor software engineer). Similarly all managers suffer from short term memory loss after the work is completed. Neither the work nor the person seems critical any more. It is mandatory that you make your presence felt for your manager to remember that you are still alive and waiting to be appreciated. The most important aspect of this belief is that it has to be acted upon almost daily in whatever menial work you do. Constantly being in the thick of things always helps in attracting your manager towards making you, the man to go for when it comes to bigger and brighter opportunities. All this will increase the fat in your pay check and also in you.. and from then on your career would go only in one direction – upward and your physique would grow only in one direction – sideward!

I feel enlightened sharing such precious beliefs for the benefit of my computer starring community.

Salvation Begins:

I started following them sincerely and miracles happened. My career graph started peaking finally. Documents were no more read.. just skimmed through.. software jargons not only confused me.. but now were used effectively and efficiently to confuse others.. meetings now were meant for enhancing my sense of humor skills… knowledge sharing sessions now were used for advertising my knowledge… Slogging was no more slogging.. it became googling… And as for my place in my office.. My manager and I now sit poles apart. I knew I got my freedom and wished myself ‘Happy Independence Day’.

PS: My manager is calling me.. in fact yelling.. Signing off.. remember… Slavery was never eradicated!

(This speech was given in the month of April 2010 in Chennai Wordsmiths Toastmasters Club)